I'd sit at home and eat chips.

I don't know how this would work but here it goes:

Heres how my day went. I first played with my twat wide open in the middle of my room.

Then, I went to the local Burger King where only faggots are allowed. There, I opened out

my winky and played with it and rubbed it on many surfaces. Then, the faggots started to do

the same thing. Since I was a homophobe, whatever you call it, I hated faggots. So I got

out my toothbrush which I use to clean my twat and broke the glass door to get myself out

of that cesspool. I then walked in the streets where all I saw was this slippery white goo

that came out of many places I see. I assume it was mayonaise so I scooped up some of it

and put it on a pizza which I was hiding in my girlfriend's pants which I brought with me

to clean at the laundrymat. As I was enjoying my pizza, I went back home to relax and

played with my twat and winky once more.

I woke up later with herpes and relizing I was in the grave to die as I was buried there

with Drew Pickles, Kung Fu Man, and Benito Mussolini.

Seeing as how I'm doing all the work myself, the balanced variant could take quite a bit time [ If I do it ]

LOL, so people finally found my tool's hidden feature.