He needs to be tall enough to reach the things I can't, know the difference between a revolver and a semi-automatic, get turned on by the scent of Hoppe's solvent, not mind riding 4-wheelers in the rain and mud, can live in the middle of nowhere (so far there isnt even pizza delivery), must know Sokubaku or be willing to learn, must be able to adapt when visiting the Amish side of the family as well as the biker/vets side of the family, must not use rough or vulgar language around my niece and nephew, must not lust openly after my hot sister, be ready to pack a bag and leave when I'm in the mood to play tourist somewhere, must not spend more time than I do in front of a mirror, must never EVER watch Dancing With The Stars or American Idol ( I will make him put that in writing), must prefer American Football over basketball...  must also prefer soccer , hockey, and figureskating over basketball.  If he insists on watching basketball, he will have to get used to doing it in HIS lair with the guys.  He must  not let his ego get in the way if I want to spend money on him.

last part would be pretty hard to find.